Camping is in Tents!
by Chimaera2009
Summary: Renesmee, Jacob, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie go on a camping trip and get caught in a snow storm. This story is rated M for VERY mature or immature, depending on your point-of-view, language and some serious lemonade.
1. Chapter 1: What CCups?

_I don't own anything to do with Twilight. Stephanie Meyer does. And, yes, I stole the title from a T-shirt. This is my first fanfic, so please review!_

_The story begins at the Cullen house on a November afternoon. It is six years after Breaking Dawn. Renesmee is 17 years old (in Renesmee years, of course). This story is rated M for VERY mature (or immature, depending on your point-of-view) language and some serious lemonade._

**CHAPTER 1: WHAT C-CUPS?**

**Renesmee Cullen**

The Cullen house was bustling that afternoon as my aunts Rosalie and Alice helped my mom pack for my parents' second honeymoon.

My dad and uncles Emmett and Jasper were watching a football game with Jacob Black, in whose lap I was nestled comfortably. Jake was the love of my life. I loved to be as close to him as I could, feeling the warmth of his body against mine and taking in his deliciously musky scent.

My musing was interrupted as Rose and my mom stopped in front of us for an impromptu discussion about bikinis.

"OK, unless you two plan on making out, you're blocking the TV," Emmett said, grinning.

They looked scornfully at the well-muscled vampire, their hands on their hips.

"You are such a pig!" Rose chided, tossing a throw pillow at him.

"He has a point, Barbie," Jacob chimed in, tossing a grin Emmett's way. "Now, either move away from the football game or give us something better to watch."

Jacob, Emmett and Jasper laughed uproariously. Dad grinned at Mom, who gave him a faux-annoyed look.

"_Ew_, Jake!" I laughed. "That's my MOM!"

"Well, if you'd like to join them –"

"– EWWWW!" I squealed.

The boys roared again, but Dad turned to Jake with a serious expression.

"OK, this is suddenly less funny," he said, matter-of-factly (but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth).

"Sorry, sorry," Jake laughed, holding both hands up as I kissed him on the cheek. I loved his sweet grin. I think it's my favorite part about him. That and his perfect body, russet skin, sexy hair and deep brown eyes. And his lips. Oh, God, his lips. They were begging me to kiss them. I longed to be alone with him right now. Then, I lit up inside as I remembered something.

"Jakey, remember you promised to go camping with us this weekend," I said, giving him my very best pouty face.

"Yeah, dude, it's gonna be real," Emmett chimed in.

"I'll be there," Jacob said, and I gave him an appreciative peck on the lips. I instantly wanted more, but with my dad sitting right next to us, that was going to have to wait.

"Alice, I trust you're going to be there?" Dad asked, raising an eyebrow at me. Alice was my (and his) favorite chaperone. Dad trusted her to keep me from jumping Jacob, and I trusted her to let me get away with just enough fun to quell my carnal cravings for my Big Bad Wolf.

"Jasper and I will be there!" Alice practically sang.

"And so will we," Rose said, shooting Jake a warning glance.

Emmett leaned over Dad to Jake. "Don't worry, dude, I'll try to keep Rose off your _tail_, if you know what I mean­ ­– OW!"

Emmett's hands flew to his throbbing head after a healthy smack from my father.

"I was just kidding! Geez, Ed!"

"That was a warning shot," Dad snarled. "As for you, dog, if I get her back in less than _virgin_ condition, you're going to be running on _four_ legs, if you know what I mean."

"DAD!" I groaned.

"Don't worry, I have no ill intentions for your daughter, and I never have," Jake assured him.

"Seriously, she'll be fine!" Alice assured them, grinning at Jacob.

"Of course I will!" I added. "When have you ever known Jake to be anything less than a gentleman with me?"

"That was before you grew those C-cups," Emmett smirked, nodding toward my breasts.

"Oh my God you are SO gross!" I sneered at him with a wince.

"What C-cups?" Jacob asked, grinning at my dad.

Dad rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, honey, you know Jake's great," Mom said, sliding onto my dad's lap. "Besides, you and I are going to have plenty to think about on our second honeymoon."

"Mmm," Dad purred as they kissed deeply.

"OK, so I'm _going_ to hurl now," I said as I buried my head in Jake's shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2: Great Job, Miss Cleo

**CHAPTER 2: GREAT JOB, MISS CLEO**

Finally, the weekend came. My parents were off to wherever to do things I didn't want to think about. And I was hunting with my Jacob. We hiked all over the mountains, finally finding a clearing suitable for camping. Emmett and Jasper set up the tents as the rest of us finished our dinner.

"Uh-oh," Alice said, looking up from the Elk from which she was drinking. "I may have miscalculated something."

"What do you mean, _miscalculated_?" Jacob asked, looking up from his own elk with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean we need to get in the tents now," she said, staring ominously at the sky. "There's no time."

"No time for what?" I asked, feeling worried.

"There's a storm coming," she said.

"Oh, great job, Miss Cleo," Emmett barked from across the field.

"Quiet, you," Alice hissed. "If we had decided on a campsite ahead of time, this wouldn't have been a problem. I knew we were cutting this storm pretty close, but I didn't know we'd be going this far west!"

"Calm down, Tink," Jacob said. "We've got nothing to worry about. You all don't have to worry about freezing, and I can keep Nessie warm."

"Oh, how convenient," Aunt Rose said glaring at Jake.

"Oh, come _on_!" I said. "He's being nice!"

"Whatever," Rose snorted. "Let's get you in a tent before this gets serious."


	3. Chapter 3: Said Testicles

**CHAPTER 3: SAID TESTICLES**

Alice, Jasper, Jacob and I headed for the big tent while Rosalie and Emmett settled into the smaller one.

"It's getting cold already," I said, snaking my arms around Jacob's 108-degree body as we walked across the field.

"Don't worry, baby, you'll be nice and warm before you know it," he said.

"Can't wait," I said with a smile as he leaned down to kiss me.

Then, I decided to surprise him. I sped across the field and into our tent ahead of the others.

"OK, you two," Alice said as she, Jasper and Jake made it inside. "Remember, if you come back anything less than a virgin, I'm going to lose my gorgeous new Lamborghini and you –" she pointed to Jacob, "– are going to lose your testicles."

"Don't worry about your sweet ride, honey," Jasper cooed in her ear. "We're both going to be right next to them."

"That's right," Alice said with a coy smile and a raised eyebrow, her hands on her hips. "Besides, if Rose gets wind of anything remotely titillating going on in here, _she's_ going to be collecting said testicles.


	4. Chapter 4: Got'cha

**CHAPTER 4: GOT'CHA**

"OK, I think that's enough talk about my balls for one night," Jacob smirked. "Nessie, you feeling OK?"

I was already huddled in the sleeping bag shivering a bit. Jacob snuggled in and embraced me. He suddenly froze, staring at me, shocked.

"Wha–" he began to whisper.

"You warm up faster this way," I whispered innocently, referring to my completely naked body, every curve of which was now hugging every corresponding curve of his perfectly sculpted form.

I glanced over his shoulder at Alice. Her narrowed eyes met mine and silently warned me about the limits to her chaperoning awesomeness.

Jacob looked over his shoulder at her and grinned sheepishly. Alice rolled her eyes and snuggled in with Jasper, ready to cuddle the night away.

"It's canary yellow and nearly as fast as Edward, damn it," she snarled.

**Jacob Black**

_I'm going to lose my shit. Right here. Right now. _

_She's naked. She's fucking naked. _

_It's OK, Jake, you're a big boy; you can handle this. _

_Just keep cool. _

Then my sweet, innocent Nessie slipped one of her perfectly shaped legs between mine and nestled it snugly against my already bulging groin.

_OK, so I'm _totally_ fucked._

**Renesmee Cullen**

_Got'cha._

I smiled triumphantly. I felt Jake throb against my upper thigh as I rubbed against his growing length. I reached down into his pants to grasp it. It was silky, hard and so, so large in my small hand.

Jacob buried his head in the pillow, stifling a moan.

I smiled and quietly slipped under the covers. I pulled his pants down over his cock, which was large and russet like the rest of him. I rubbed myself with one hand and gave the other to him. Touching his cock gently with my fingertips, I started giving his balls a good tongue bath. I took one into my mouth and then the other and rolled them around with my tongue.

I felt him shaking and glanced up at him with my best dirty-little-girl look in my eyes. He didn't see it. He had also slipped under the covers and had the pillow over his face, his hands pressed hard against it.

**Jacob Black**

_Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God._

I couldn't breathe because I'd moan. Loudly. She was killing me. Slowly. Blissfully.

She released my balls from her hot, heavenly mouth and licked me all the way up my dick, hilt to tip.

I bit the pillow.

When her beautiful tongue reached the top of my member, she flicked it around the tip and under the lip of my head.

Then she swallowed most of my dick.

I bit _into_ the pillow.

Her mouth pumped up and down on my cock. Her tongue massaged the bundle of nerves below the head as she let the roof of her mouth glide over the lip of my head.

I bit off _pieces_ of the pillow.

Her hand came up to cradle my balls, and her gentle massaging sent me over the edge. I came right in her mouth. I looked down apologetically and found her _drinking_ me with a look of pure, lustful bliss on her beautiful face.

**Renesmee Cullen**

I came _hard_ as I drank him. He tasted amazing.

I finished licking him clean and slid back up the sleeping bag into his waiting arms. We kissed deeply. At that moment, I thought for sure this was the most satisfied I could ever be.

Then, he took over.

I felt his hands move up my thighs to my ass. He squeezed it snugly with both hands, kneading my plump cheeks and listening to me gasp lightly. He smiled and kissed me softly on the lips, then harder. Our tongues danced together and I felt a low growl emit from his chest. A hand curved along my waist and then squeezed my breast. He kneaded my soft mound as I felt my hot core begin to moisten again.

I touched my hand to his head, showing him what I wanted. I turned, facing away from him, and began grinding my ass into his groin. He slipped his lower arm underneath and around me, cradling both my naked breasts, and his other hand caressed me down to my knee.

He brought my leg backward, securing it around his own and began running his fingertips over my naked thigh. He glided his big fingers ever so close to my molten core, tormenting me. He ran them back up my hip, up my waist.

Then, without warning, those hot fingers came swooping down, and the pad of his middle finger pressed firmly against my clit.

I inhaled sharply through my nose. I was trying _so_ hard to be quiet.

He felt my wet pussy quiver, and smiled into the back of my neck. He kissed me there, then up my jawline. Then I felt the tip of his red-hot tongue flick against the back of my ear. I inhaled sharply.

Alice _had_ to have heard that. He _knew_ my ears were my weakness!

I lie there, with my Big Bad Wolf still rubbing my wet core, waiting for Alice to pull the plug on all my fun.

But she never did.


	5. Chapter 5: Overcome

**CHAPTER 5: OVERCOME**

**Jasper Cullen**

I wish I had Bella's self-control. I'll never understand how she does it.

Well, at least I'm not hungry. Not for blood anyway.

I'm particularly susceptible to strong emotions, but this was getting ridiculous. I could feel myself getting sucked – _oh, God_ – into the maelstrom of sexual tension brewing across the tent.

I felt my cock start to grow. I was suddenly very aware that my sweet little pixie's sweet little ass was molded to my groin.

Then, she turned in my arms to lie on her back. She looked up at me and then across the tent at the two lovers, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. I looked down to see that one of her nipples was inadvertently peeking out of her bra.

And that sent me over the edge.

**Alice Cullen**

"Damn it, Renesm–hmmf!"

Before I could scold my dear, lustful niece about the importance of my new car, I felt a hand fly to my mouth, muffling me.

I looked back up to see my Jasper looking down at me … hungrily.

My eyes suddenly widened as I realized what had come over him.

He looked like a man possessed. That look in his eye, I remembered it from the day Bella cut herself in front of him.

He licked his lips. But this time was different. This time, he didn't want to devour a poor hapless human … he wanted to devour _me_.

He pinned me on my side and positioned himself behind me. I may be faster, but I'm not _stronger_ than my Jasper. He shredded my clothes piece by piece using the hand that wasn't keeping me from alerting Rose. Finally, after he had reduced my bra and panties to strings, he lifted my leg and began to rub my sex. I moaned under his hand and stared up at him. He was looking straight into my eyes with an expression half-lidded lust. My eyes rolled back as I got wetter and wetter.

**Renesme Cullen**

I wanted to devour him. Jake was driving me crazy. He continued to rub my clit with increasing intensity. I felt myself reach my limit. He put his whole hand on my pussy and rubbed it hard and fast.

"Oh, _JAKE_!" I moaned as his big, hot hand sent me over the edge.

Suddenly realizing what I had just done. Jake and I instantly craned our heads toward the other side of the tent, bracing for Alice's lecture.

What we saw sent our jaws to the floor.

With one hand, Jasper had Alice's face pressed into the pillow, muffling her voice. With the other, he was positioning his long, rock-hard member behind her. As he entered her, she moaned into the pillow, seemingly (or voluntarily) helpless as his rocked in and out of her pussy from behind.

**Jacob Black**

"I want _that_," Nessie whispered throwing a smoldering glance at Alice and Jasper.

"Nessie–"

"_Now_," she demanded, with a lustful look in her eye. She wrestled herself on top of me, straddling my now painfully erect cock. Before I could recover from the blinding sensation, she caught both my wrists and pinned them on either side of my head. I struggled against her, but she was using every ounce of her half-vamp force to pin me there.

I couldn't overpower her, not in human form, not without phasing.

"Aw, is my Big Bad Wolf helpless against me?" She sneered, a wicked grin spread across her lovely face. "Let me guess, you can't get up without phasing, yes?"

"Why, you dirty little minx," I said, a smile broadening on my own face.

Without moving her hands from my wrists, she positioned herself above my hard member, which by this point was standing straight up, begging for her soft, wet sex. I could feel the tip of my cock kissing her now dripping entrance. I lay my head back in surrender.

She began to lower herself onto me, inch by excruciatingly amazing inch. After the head was fully engulfed, she began to drop a little faster, stopping just before her barrier.

"Nessie–" I croaked, I could barely think.

"Shhh," she said, taking a deep breath. Then she impaled herself on my rock-hardness, straight down to the hilt. I moaned, and she hissed in pain as her cherry broke.

"Nessie! Are you OK?" My hands wanted to comfort her, but she didn't let me go.

Then she looked at me with those smoldering eyes, and I knew she was OK. She began to grind on me, making my dick explore every soft fold and crevice of her sex. She bent down and our lips crashed together.

Then she let go of my wrists. My hands flew to her hips and I began to bounce her on my dick. Her bronze curls bounced around in tandem. It was the hottest thing I could imagine.

I glanced over at Tinkerbell, who Jasper had face down, ass up and was plowing into her from behind. I was pretty sure that, if she were human, she would have been literally fucked in half by now.

**Renesmee Cullen**

I bounced around on Jacob's dick so hard I was pretty sure I would leave bruises. I was also pretty sure he would wear them like trophies.

I caught his furtive glance at Alice and Jasper. As I looked at how he ravaged her, I licked my lips.

Jake looked back at me. I stopped bouncing.

"Now," I said, flashing my eyes at him.

He sat up and I got on my knees. He got behind me and put his huge hand on the nape of my neck and pinned my face to the pillow. From here, I was forced to look at Alice.

She looked like a woman drowning in absolute ecstasy. Here eyes were half-lidded and rolled back, her mouth was agape and she whimpered delicately each time Jasper slammed into her.

I wondered how many times she had come. _She_ had definitely lost count.

I gasped loudly as I felt a sharp pain of a hard slap across my ass. Then my eyes bulged and I gasped as Jake plunged into me. It was such an amazing feeling. I was sure he was deeper inside than before. He plunged in and out, in and out, and before long he was keeping pace with Jasper.

His large hand reached around to rub my clit. As he pounded me from behind and unraveled the bundle of nerves atop my core, I lost control. I began to come again and again and again. Soon, I looked just like poor Alice, helpless against rolling orgasms and the handsome brutes who were ravaging us.

It was incredible.

Finally Jasper lost control. His final crashing thrust lifted Alice's knees off the ground. He held her there, cumming deeply with his head thrown back and his mouth agape.

Alice lie there as he emptied himself into her, her face wearing closed eyes and a blissfully satisfied smile.

Rocked senseless by my own orgasms, I was taken by surprise as Jacob slammed into me one last time, spilling his red-hot seed into my waiting pussy.

"Renesmee," he sighed. "Oh, oh, OH!"

He crashed and burned, catching himself just before crushing me with his full weight.

"Sorry!" He exclaimed.

I smiled up at him and our mouths met again. He rolled onto his back, and I nestled myself against his chest. I looked over to see Alice lying flat on her stomach with the same blissful look on her face as before. Jasper was littering her with kisses, from her neck all the way down her back.

I looked back up at Jacob with a similarly blissful smile on my face. Then my brow furrowed.

His eyes were huge. His lips were pursed.

I followed his eyes and found myself wearing a similar expression.

Because there, standing before us at the front of the tent, were Emmett and Rosalie.

"Sorry, we tried not to wake you," Jasper said calmly, a thin smile breaching his lips.

"Dude, I'm pretty sure it smells like sex and wet dog all the way back to Forks," Emmett said, sporting the largest shit-eating grin I've ever seen on the man. And that was saying something.

Rose surveyed the oversexed wreckage with a raised eyebrow, her hands folded across her chest. Her disapproving gaze finally settled on Alice's now limp form.

"Oh, you are _so_ losing that car," Rose hissed.


	6. Chapter 6: The Accused

**CHAPTER 6: THE ACCUSED**

**Edward Cullen**

_Something strange is going on here_, I thought to myself as I sat with my sister Alice, brother Jasper and wife, Bella, watching the latter's favorite movie, _Romeo & Juliet_ (the older one), for the millionth time.

… _For many a petty king ere Arthur came ruled in this isle and ever waging war each upon other, wasted all the land; And still from time to time the heathen host swarmed overseas, and harried what was left… _(1)

"Alice?" I turned to my sister with a quizzical look.

… _And so there grew great tracts of wilderness wherein – Don't … let … him – the beast was ever more and more … _

My eyes narrowed at her.

"Alice, what are you doing? Why are you reciting Tennyson?" I prodded as her thoughts grew more frantic.

… _But man was less and less, 'till Arthur came. For first Aurelius lived and fought and died, and after him King Uther fought and died, – I had sex with Jasper in front of Nessie while Jake was nailing her – SHIT! – but either failed to make the kingdom one…_

**Renesmee Cullen**

I lay on my bed sprawled across Jacob Black's chest. We were enjoying our privacy and cuddling together while trying _not_ to think about the tantalizing camping trip.

Jacob smiled down at me. I scooted up to kiss his lips. He kissed me more.

Soon I found myself beneath him, his hands exploring my annoyingly clothed body as our tongues danced in our warm mouths.

I heard a crash downstairs.

"RENESMEE!" I heard Alice scream from downstairs. "HE KNOWS!"

"Oh, sh–" Jacob started. But the expletive was silenced. My father was there in an instant, and Jacob was already against the wall, held by his throat, his legs kicking for the floor beneath.

"Dad, _don't!_" I screamed.

"_You_! What the _hell_ did you do to her?!" My dad roared at Jake.

"I … *choke* … I'm sorr…y *choke* … I didn't mean for it to happen …" Jacob croaked under my father's hand.

Then, my dad dropped him on the floor.

"… like that," Jacob finished, looking up at him apologetically and rubbing his throat.

Dad slowly turned to me, his eyes wide.

He had seen everything now. Everything.

"_Downstairs_," he said to _me_ ominously, his voice breaking with anger.

**Bella Cullen**

I stood behind my husband in the living room, waiting for the fireworks to begin. I put my hand on my husband's shoulder, giving my daughter a stern look.

Edward stood before the accused, his arms crossed on his chest, with respect to the two fingers that were pinching the bridge of his nose.

Alice, Jasper, Renesmee and Jacob starred nervously up at him from the couch, their faces mirroring those about to face a firing squad.

"Jasper," Edward started at his tall, blond brother. Jasper looked up slightly to meet his gaze, his eyes peppered with shame and fear.

"… I understand why you lost control," Edward said. "I don't want to be angry with you. I _am_, but I don't suppose it's a reasonable anger."

"Ed–" Jasper started.

"As Jacob so elegantly puts it," Edward continued. You 'plowed' my sister from behind right in front of my 17-year-old daughter."

"I wish he wouldn't pull things out of my head like that," Jacob muttered to himself.

"So do I," Alice groaned quietly, holding her head in her hands. "Edward, I am so, so sorry. I don't–"

"I'm not blaming you for this either, Alice."

"– know – Wait, you're not?" She stammered.

"No. I know _exactly_ who is to blame here."

Jacob stiffened.

"No, Jacob, I don't blame you either," he said.

"Eh?" Jacob croaked.

"Renesmee," He said as his gaze landed heavily on our daughter.

Nessie's eyes grew wide and anxious.

"You seduced Jacob. You forced yourself on him, and in the process, set a trap for Jasper, which led to Alice getting manhandled right in front of you, God and everybody. Does that sound about right?" He asked sternly.

No one said a word.

"You know, I wasn't expecting to come back from my second honeymoon and have to conduct the Spanish Inquisition," he continued, rolling his eyes.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition," Jasper said quietly.

Edward glowered.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself," Jasper said sheepishly.

**Bibliography**

Passage from _Idylls of the King_ by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. From The Literature Network, .

Inside joke courtesy of _Monty Python's Flying Circus_. 


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